


My  ̶I̶m̶m̶o̶r̶t̶a̶l̶ Rose Bride ( By: UtenaLoverXXX666)

by TheNerdyGirl



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Memes, References to My Immortal, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, gay as fuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdyGirl/pseuds/TheNerdyGirl
Summary: Anthy is goffik.I am so sorry for writing this.
Relationships: Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena
Comments: 11
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

Hi my name is Anthy The Rose Bride Himemiya and I have long purple hair that is hella long but in a weird-ass bun and I am as beautiful as a rose and wear a red dress like a rose (that's how I got my title) and beautiful green eyes and lots of people think I look like Prince Dios (If you don't know who he is get the hell out of here)  
I am related to Akio Ohtori but I wish I wasnt because he is major fucking hot garbage on fire. I am a witch but i am also a goddess and a princess. I have a beautiful brown skin. I go to a weird school called Ohtori.  
Today I was wearing the uniform. I was taking care of my roses because I am the rose bride. Master (Bitch) Saionji slapped, I mentally put up my middle finger at him. Then Touga a redhead without a soul came and stopped him from slapping me but he is also trash so fuck him too.  
Later a pink haired chick who likes to crossdress and all that dueled Saionji (bitch) senpai and won so I am hers now.  
"I am Anthy Himememiya and from today I am your angle yuor devil, I mean Rose Bride "  
"Yo WTF"  
"You gay?" I asked.  
"No I so fucking don't!"  
So she is gay.

The next day when I woke up I started to clean the hous in which we would live as a married no married lesbian couple because i wanted to give a good impresison to the pink haired lesbian in denial. When she entered I said  
"We will be living togehter from now"  
"No homo, right?"  
"All of the homo."  
"Gotta ask...Why that wierd sword thing from your tits and the flying upside down castle?"  
"Anime magic."  
"Ah ok"  
"Why do you crossdress?"  
"I am gay...I mean...Nothing, I want to be a prince."  
So she is even more fucking gay.


	2. For whom the goffic Rose smiles

“Is it a problem for us to stay here?”

“US? I mean, US is always a problem”  
“No, no…I mean, us.”  
I pointed at my monkey, which was totally not cosplaying my stupid brother (CHU-CHU THATZ U).

“Us?”  
“Yes, us.”

Mistress Utena took in her hand the teapot Chachu was hiding behind, and did her best “What the fuking fuck is this shit”.

“What the fucking fuck is this shit”  
“A monkey. This is my best friend forever, Chucu”

We are so busy having our important conversation about how Chchu is my very best friend and its not like I am a cat crazy woman that we didt notice Chuchu was dying.

“OMG chuhc is dying, here” said Utensil giving Chuchu a teaspoon. “Allright, I am Utensil. Will you be my friend?”

Chuchi didn¡t bite her like he does with SaiONJI (BITCH) senpai so I guess that’s an advance.  
“I had never seen Chachacha like someone so much, Mistress Uterna.”

“Can you stop with the Mistress Utena thing?”

“Why, **_Mistress Utena_**?”  
What a fucking dumb pink brick. At least she isn’t a fucking prep, just a jock.

“Well, its werid”  
“Why, **_Mistress Utena?_ **We are endgame after all”  
“Endgame?”  
“Yes, engaged, **_Mistress Utena_** ”

I quickky tried tried to piss her off even more. Cuz I am the rose bride I have no real agency so I can only mess around with preps and jocks and nersds passivaley agresive. Everyone is fucking dumb expecially my brother Akio hoetori.

“That again…So…That weed haired man was using a ring like mine, you know what’s this thing?”  
“This thing?”

“The ring”

“A movie” what a fucking stupid brick I hate her what’s her problem with that pirince bullshit. NO ia ma not a tsundere or anything that’s for preps and badly written harem isekai ecchi anime. Of course all duelist are my harem but thats another thing.

“No, the ring in my hand and his hand”

“Ah, all members of the student councel have one, it’s the Rose Emblem (NOTHING TO DO WITH FIRE EMBLEM, NERDSZZZ), it makes you a duelist. Since you are the actual champion, other must fight you for my hand.”

“WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN”

“What I said.”

“I had no intention of fighting those things! I almost got myself killed! WTF I am out”

Spoilers: She isn’t out.

Later that day I went out the dormintory because Saionji (BITCH) senpai wanted to talk to me so I guess I’ll have to put out with his bullshit. Saionji- (BITCH)-senpai was a tall dude dressed in the Ohtori uniform, he had weed hair and ugly purple eyes, because they were not as pretty as my beautiful purple hair. I sent Churchhill to search for the lesbian in denial so she can aid me.

“Why, Angie? Why dpn’t you do as I say?”  
Wich year do you think we are living? Slavery is over.

“Sorry, Saionji-senpi, me and Mistess Untensil are wendgame now.”

“But didn’t you love mw when we were the mian ship?”

Main ship? More like main shit.

“Yeah but that’s a chapter ago. We are not endegaed anymoew, I am Mistress’s Utena hoe now. Let me the fuck alone, prep.”

“You dumb hoe!”  
He slaps me. I mentally slap him too, I would shot him if I had a gun and I could totally kill him right now but now it is show time and I have to play the helpess princess so Mistress Dumb Pibk Brick can fight Saioni (Bitch) senpai again.

“WHAT THE HWLL ARE YOU DOING MOTHERFUCKER”

Ah, its time.

“It’s you, the jock. I lost the duel because I led my guard domw but that will not happen again Fight me hoe. Why don’t we settle who owns the Rose Bride? Figgt me after clesses”

Mistress Utena hugs me (while I am in the floor, I am such a great actress) and I can feel the gay energy flowing out of her. Chuchu stabs Saionji’s leg with a fork and that’s a mood.

“That’s stupid! I refuse! I faught over my friend yesterday, but I give zero fucks about the rose braid because I am not gay! See? I am not gay! Totally not gay!”

God, so I got slapped for nothing?

“I don’t care if you are a lesbian in denial! You have the Rode Bride, you fight in duels! Those are the rules!”

“Ugh whatever”

At the end, she is big gay. (also Saionji bitch senpai nopes humself out of existence to cry over me like the dumb bitch he is)

“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t fight more duels?”  
“I said I wouldn’t but since it is not a gay thing I AM NOT GAY, and its just the rules I guess I will have to fight. I will lose anyways.”

“Whatever you say, dumb pink lesbian brick.”

“Did you say something?”

“Nope.”

This is the time that you all preps have been waiting for. The absolute destiny apocalupse. Misteess Utena opened the gate and I put my star climbing music on while I pimp out her clothes. I start with the top of her uniform, giving her shoulderpats and a chain and a gem, tgen frills in the bottom part of her uniform. When I finish she is already at the top of the stairs and in the duel arena.

“The rules are…” Mistress Utensil cuts the weed man out.

“If you deflower me I lose.”  
“No! The only one I want to deflower is Anthy and not Touga because I am not gay!”

“Take care, Mistress Utensil”

To make a long story short, they fight but just when Mistress Utena was about to get her ass kicked my stupid dead not dead deity whatever cpncept prince brother came and save her ass. I have no idea what the fuck happened and I am not sure if I want to know.

She won. Yay, I guess.

“I didn’t won because I am gay or anything! I won because of Chachacha! Saionji would have mistreat him!”  
“Whatver you say, pink lesbian…Mistress Utena.”


	3. On the night of the balls, in which with my life became even whorse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am already done with being a princess I dont want to be a queen stop this get me help. Also I say fuck a lot.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful goffik princess who had an older brother whom she loved very much…She sacrificed for him, but was that a good idea? Spoilers: It wasnt. He turned out to be a BITCH.  
“I really only have this ring, that movie is the only proof I met him…”  
Should I stop listen behind the door? I know Mistress Utensil is fucking dumb but I don’t want to stop heer while she cries over my bitch dead brother.  
“The duel arena, the Rose Braid for whom I am NOT gay…even though she is so pretty… Can the ring truly lead me to all that?”  
Well, that’s fucking enogh. Hwo can a jock be so dumb.  
“Good morning, Mistress Untesil! Lets have pink tacos for breakfast!”  
“Yes, finally! Wait…No! I am not gay! I don’t like eating pussies!”  
“Why would you eat a cat, Mistress Utensil?”  
“I DON’T KNOW DON’T ASK ME”

After eating breakfast (Which sadly wasn’t taco), we went on drinking the tea. I would love to have spilled the tea over all those bitches in Ohtori but I’ll not because I am not being asked about how Akio only washes his dick once a month. He says it makes it extra tasty when he sucks it. Mistress Utensil pierces me with her gaze just like Akio (BITCH)-niisama pierced me with his dick last Sunday (and it was a pain).  
“Why we always eat alone? Is this a date? Because I am not gay!”  
“Don’t you like our married life, Darling?”  
“Listen…I know you are fucking like most goffik nerds, but do you really have no friends?”  
“Of course I have friends not having friends is for suckers like Saionji(BITCH)-senpai, my best friend foverer is Churchill.”  
“Well, I mean…he is…but…”  
“We are friends, right? Girlfriends…”  
“Girl friends? Yes, we are girls who are friends…WAIT NO I AM NOT GAY”

We went to school and the first that happened is that a bunch of gay girls got their underwear wet over MY Mistress Utean, so I mentally put my middle finger at them.  
“Himememiya, can you stop with the Mistress Utena thing?”  
“Why, Mistress Utensil?”  
“Its weird”  
“Ok I’ll call you Husband Utena then.”  
“Good, because if it were wife it would be gay and I am not…---”  
“UTENA-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, PLEASE RAW MEEEEEEEEE”  
“I thought you didn’t enjoy being called Utensil-sama, Husband Utena”  
“Well, they can call me like that…But not you because it would make me gay and I AM NOT GAY”  
“Ok husband Utensil.”  
“Its great you stopped with the Mistress Utena thing.”  
“Yes, Mistress Utena, because we are endgame after all…”  
“CAN YOU STOP SAYING I AM GAY”  
“I didn’t say you were gay, you said it yourself.”  
“Look, even if I look gay, and act gay, and am gay…doesn’t mean I am gay! I am normal!”  
“Well, of course being gay is normal, Mistress Utama.”  
“I don’t need a Rose Bread! I only want a normal guy who just happens to be a girl!”  
“Well great to hear that” Oh god its him. It’s the fucking soulless ginger of Touga. Listen bitch, stay away from my woman or else I…--- “Because I am a normal guy and my long hair could make me pass for a girl”  
“But that’s not being a girl” said UMistress Utena “, and I only like girls like Himemiaya Anathema”  
“Fuck.”  
Yay.  
“WAIT I DIDN’T SAY THAT, I AM NOT GAY”  
“Don’t be so defensive with you sexuality, all lesbians can be turned straight with some good dicking.”  
…Miss me with that straight lesbophobic bullshit, Touga.

After Touga said he can turn my woman straight, my day went even more to hell. Keiko, Yuko and Aiko decided to make it worse.  
“Stop stealing Saionuj form us, because u broke up with him now he is sad and doesn’t want to to practive kednom anymore!”  
“But how can steal him from you if we already broke up, Keiko?”  
“Well…I don’t care!”  
She slaps me. I mentally put my middle finger at her.  
“We want our old Saionji-sama him back!”  
“So I should date him again?”  
“No!”  
“Then what the hell do you want”  
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MOTHERFUCKERS”  
Oh, its Nanami-sama. She reminds me so much to me before I became goffik, when I was a prep princess…Well, whatever. She is a fugly cown.  
“I am so nice for saving you, this is why Ill be the dance queen this year”  
“What the hell is a dance queen”  
“The school with host a ball so Ill win it is not that hard”  
“Ok then.”  
“Ive noticed men want to screw you, Himmemaia Angie. Even freshmen want to bang you. May be that’s why you were nominated to be dance queen too…”  
“Was I?” Man, give me a break I am already done with being a princess I don’t think I can deal with being a queen.  
“Ive always wanted to be your friend, Himememiya Ansi”  
“AH ok”  
This is a fucking lie.


	4. The fresh prince of Ohtori

“So it is true you got no friend?”  
“Chachacha is my friend” I answered while plauing cards with Mistress Utena. Then I heard the doorbell.  
“Must be Amazonas”   
“Amazonas?”  
“Yes, I ordered a cowbell”  
“why would you order a cawbel?”  
“It is for personal reasons” I said.  
“I had a packgade for Michiru Kaioh and Haruka Tenouh.”  
“Yes, it us!” said Mistress Utena while getting up to take the package.

“This dress is so ugly” I said, pointing at the dress which was colour vomit. “Wjat abou u, mistress Utensil? Did you got a dress for the party too?”  
“Me? Why? Which party? Man, I don’t catch anything…”  
Well of course not, you are fucking stupid.  
“There is an invitation insifne the bog”  
There was, as ai SAID. What sould I do.  
“Going to parties ais not my style, Himemia.”  
“Well if you don0t go, I don’t go either”  
“Whath! But u wer nomintade to be dance queen! U are supposed to go!”  
Ah shit, were we gon again…  
“Well, when I am in places with lots of people I get scared…everyone’s faces start to look the same and it is scary. Well then, lets go to play Uno again. Its Chachacha turn.”  
I want to use my “Stop being in the closet or take 25” card on Mistress Utensil.  
“No! You have to go! U should go! You need friends!”  
“Well then.”  
Now, this is a story all about how  
My life got flipped-turned upside down  
And I'd like to take a minute  
Just sit right there  
I'll tell you how I became the dance queen of a shitty party.

And so we went to the ball, in a gay fashion in very ugly dresses. I was ready for bad stuff to happen. Everyone was lusting over my woman so I mentaly put my middle finger at them.   
Today I was wearing a green vomit dress with matching hairclips and my hair in my usual bun, alongside with gloves and greens vomit shoes. Mistress Utena was by my side wearing an waful pink dress who looked like someone sprayed pink paint on it.

“I am very glad you came, Himemiya-san”  
“Ah, 73-san. How are you doing?”  
“Good, this dress looks good on you…It would be a shame if…something happened…HOHOHOHOHOHO…coigh cough…Hoho…ho.”  
“Are you done?”  
“A bit more, HOHOHOHO…now”  
She takes my hand (how lewd) and drags me to the nomination thingie I odn now how it is called.  
“Well! Dint I SAID it?! She got a friend!”  
UTENA YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPIIIIIIIIIID.  
Ah shit Ah shit where is nanami why I am in the centre of the room please Goku save me. And then…I get sprayed with cum! No, wait…its wine? I am way too used to cum. What the fuck is happening?!  
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING MOTHERCUKER!” I SCREAMED AT MY DRESS AT IT STARTED TO DISSOLVE. OH FUCK OH FUCK FUCK FUCK.  
And so, magically…Utena took her dress revealing her prince clothes and put a tbleclot over acting as if that were a decent dress.  
Now roll credits. Where is my red dress?


	5. Prelude’s to Nanami Torture, i almost threw hands with a 13 years old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which The goffik rose bread tortures the prep.

Prelude’s to Nanami Torture, i almost threw hands with a 13 years old  
I really don’t like Nanami Kiryuu, as you can guess. She is blonde, a prep, exaggerated, dramatic, an absolute definitive perfect waifu, and of course a prep and a Brocon (she is not, actually, her attitude comes from being abused all her life and Touga’s grooming but that’s spoiler, but since you are reading this I guess you already watched enough Utena).  
Well, let’s start how Nanami’s torture began.  
Once upon a time there was a sad little princess called Seven Seas, who killed a kitty. Yeah, its not the best beginning but roll with me…Well, before we go back to the tale of the yellow rose, we need to say that I failed an exam and so did Mistress Utensil.  
“So, Himemiya…How did it went for you?”  
“I better drop out school and start selling baguettes, I suck at this.”  
“What”  
“Mistress Utensil, just order me to be good at math”

It is not like obey her anyways. Anyways, I spent time with Miki who is popular with shotacons and there is a teacher who is totally one. Kozue-chan pushed him stairs down so good for her. And so, Miki came to study to our dorm alongside Nanami.  
“So, how did you all got bad grades?”  
“I am very busy suffering eternal pain, so I can’t study properly. Also math are trash so I don’t care about them.”  
“I had to fight to keep my new wife…Wait, no homo. Anyways, that’s it.   
“I am here because I got a big, lesbian crush on Himemiya Anthy and Utena Tenjou…Wait, no homo.”  
“We all crush on Himemiya.” Said Mistress Utena, Miki agreed with her. And so…  
“OH MY DIOS! THERE IS A SNAIL IN ANATHEMA HIMEMAIA’S PENCIL CASE!”  
…and this is how I began to torture Nanami.  
“Well, of course there is one! I have a lot of snails, they are my pets. Their names are Marylin Mason, Vampire Potter, Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, B’loody Mary Smith and Diabolo Weasley!”  
“OH MY DIOS! THERE IS AN SNAKE! A LIVING SNAKE!” Nanami screamed again.  
“Well, of course! I am a Slytherin, how could I not have an snake?”  
“Yeah, I am a Gryffindor!” said Mistress Untensil.  
“And I am a sexually frustrated teenager boy who may or may not want to bang Himemiya-san and therefore his sister!”  
“Anyways! JKR is a fucking disgusting transphobe and no one should support her! Black lives matter and one must believe sexual assault victims!”  
I am glad we all agree in that. Anyways, moving on…  
“OH MY DIOOS!_ THERE IS…THERE IS A GIANT OCTUPUS IN HER CLOSET”  
“Don’t worry” I said, “It is not alive. The only thing living in the closet here is Mistress Utility. Anyways, this Is not a hentai so you are safe from giant octupussies!”  
Anyways, I decided to be a dramatic bitch and play the piano.


End file.
